So Osgood, Strasburg, and I Walk into Viejas Arena

Last night I went to the Aztecs game and it's amazing how much of a happening their games have become. Every game, even Wednesday tilts against Air Force, are sellouts and there are SCALPERS lining Viejas Arena. My buddy Adam Kinowski has a cousin, Mike Fitzgerald, who plays for the Falcons so he got us tickets. The last time I saw Mike was in 2007 and he was doing the worm on the dance floor of Adam & Nikki's wedding at the Hotel Del. Now I walk into Viejas and skinny Mike is a chiseled sophomore giving fits to ballers D.J. Gay and Malcolm Thomas.

I'm laughing as I enter the arena because at Player Will-Call I see my perpetual celebrity shadow: Kassim Osgood. By now he must think I stalk him and I must think an NFL player can surely dress better than a white jumpsuit with a black Affliction hat. I'm tempted to say, "Hey, man, thanks for taking a picture with me, Rossi, K-Mo, KRB, and Robbo at Shore Club last week" but a.) I don't want to have to endure him looking at me like I'm crazy and b.) whoever was supposed to leave him tickets failed! They turned Kassim away. Sorry, playah.

AK is stuck in traffic so I enter the gates and grab some pre-game grub. I munch on a hot dog, some Gatorade, and a pretzel that's saltier than Dick Cheney. What the heck, SDSU, why do you drown your pretzels in so much salt that I'm choking in front of the co-eds?! My hooks tasted like the freakin' Salt Sea! It was terrible. But I hear the pre-game intros and this place is hyyyyped. I used to go when Steve Fischer's team had four wins and 2,000 in the building. Now it feels like an NBA playoff game.

Adam arrives and as we hand our tickets to the usher, he points out we mistakenly were given tickets in separate aisles. So instead of disrupting people hoping to secure side-by-side seats, we eschew the Player Family section for the top row. The crip row. Me and my wheelchair-ridin', crutch-usin' people. It made for some awkward high fives.

The Aztecs are not playing like the no. 6 team in the nation and close to halftime they trail by six. It is then that Aztec alum, and Nationals superstar, and patron saint of quick pictures, Stephen Strasburg emerges from a hospitality area. With him are three guys, presumably all named Turtle. They walk very slowly to some very good seats and I am afraid he is going to get mobbed. Lo and behold, Strassy sits and the Aztecs go on like a 10-2 run. The miracle of St. Ste-pheeen. I wonder if Kassim ever got in.

Two hours later, despite Mike Fitzgerald's best efforts to post up on Bryan Carwell - Carwell didn't move - the Air Force Academy succumbs to SDSU, 68-55. I see Jed Hoyer and he looks pleased. AK and I walk all the way to the floor to visit with Mike, who says Carwell was an immovable object but extremely nice to the opposing players, and then we head to the elevator. To get there, we go around the perimeter of the court, where the Aztecs players are showered and visiting with friends and family.

I see this guy I know from PETCO, a cameraman, and he always says, "Hey, I saw good ol' Brett yesterday!"  I have no idea who he's talking about and I feel bad. As I'm thinking about this, I look up and the Aztecs players are gawking at my hooks. I say wassup and wish my buddy Nina "Peanut" Tarantino were here. She's feisty and would walk right up to them, look at them three feet above her, and say, "What?  You never seen someone with hooks before??"

The players look away and AK and I enter a crowded elevator. There are girlfriends, friends of girlfriends, kids of girlfriends, and in the very back is Carwell and Deee Jaaaay Gaaaaay. Both Aztecs players are holding a pizza - not a slice, not a plate, but a box of Papa John's Pizza. The elevator operator is apologizing for some buttons he's mistakenly hit and the two athletes shrug, look at my arms, and proceed to eat their pizzas.

As the elevator door closes, I see a white jump suit leaving the locker-room area, its owner heading for the exits. It's Kassim. He got in. He doesn't look that happy, though.  I'm wondering if he ate a pretzel.